The Code (2011)
Jason Walter Vaile
FADE IN: EXT. LAKE-NIGHT The moon glistens off the serene water. VANNA and CHAD relax on a blanket enjoying the view. VANNA It's a beautiful evening. CHAD Not nearly as beautiful as you, Vanna. VANNA Oh, Chad. You're so funny. She takes a sip of wine. Chad reaches over and brushes hair from her face. He places his hand seductively on her knee. VANNA I've never dated a porn star before. CHAD And I've never dated a...what do you do again? He starts gently kissing her neck. She closes her eyes and enjoys the moment. She opens her eyes and SCREAMS. He spins and sees... AT THE LAKE EDGE A HORDE OF ZOMBIES emerging from the lake. They groan and slowly make their way towards the couple. AT THE BLANKET CHAD Z..Zombies! Lets get outta here. He grabs her arms and pulls her off the ground. They run in the opposite direction as the zombies close in. They look back as the zombies get CLOSER. They run smack into....A MENACING SERIAL KILLER, complete with a weed wacker. Chad screams like a girl, and falls to the ground and pulls Vanna with him. LEAD ZOMBIE (exasperated) Carl, what the hell?!? The Serial Killer cocks his head and turns off the wacker. SERIAL KILLER (muffled) Hmmph mmmph mhpmm? LEAD ZOMBIE I can't understand--take off the mask. The zombie pack mulls behind him. One starts zombie texting. Another pulls out a brain and chews on it. The Serial Killer takes off his mask to reveal...a clean cut, middle aged man. CARL Hey, Shaun. What are you doing here? SHAUN What am I doing here? It's our night! This is our kill. CARL No it's not. Thursday is my night. SHAUN We switched, remember? CARL I thought that was next week. SHAUN It's on the Google calendar, check your Google calendar. Carl scrolls through his smart phone CARL No, I'm still seeing you down for next week. SHAUN Maybe it's not syncing right. Hit refresh. Shaun takes the phone and presses a few buttons. SHAUN We talked about this last week at the lodge meeting. ON THE GROUND Vanna attempts to crawl off but runs into a VAMPIRE. NEIL Forget true blood, I'm a true stud. Neil strikes a smoldering pose. Vanna recoils more in disgust than in horror. The vampire stands up. NEIL Hey guys what's going on? Carl and Shaun roll their eyes. Not him again. CARL & SHAUN Hey Neil. SHAUN (cough) Team Douchbag. NEIL I heard that. SHAUN Hey you were at the meeting last week. NEIL Yeah. SHAUN Remember we switched. NEIL I thought that was next week. CARL That's what I said. SHAUN It's on the google calender!!! Kyle where is the killing code. One of the zombies hands Shaun a leather bound book. Shaun flips though it. ON THE GROUND Chad attempts to crawl away but runs in to BIG FOOT. BIG FOOT Growl!! Roar!! SHAUN Oh hell no Big Foot. Not a good time. Kinda in the middle of something. Shoo. Shoo. Big Foot slumps his shoulder and slinks off into the night. CARL (calling to Big foot) I hope Susie's feeling better. Let her know we're praying for her. Big Foot gives an acknowledging wave. SHAUN See it say's right here in section four paragraph A five, in the event of a dispute between parties we refer back to the original agreement not withstanding-- CARL Blah blah, blood lust fading, get to the point. NEIL Why don't you just split them up? SHAUN Because it says in section eight on the Thursday before Friday the thirteenth in a non Olympic year-- KYLE Summer or winter? CARL Let's just split them up. SHAUN Fine! Let's just forget it. Forget the killing code. Forget the Google calendar, forget any kind of civilized approach to killing people. CARL I got dibs on the guy. Carl reaches down and grabs Chad by the ankle. CHAD Why don't you just kill her, man. I barely know her. Its our first date. I'll help you bury her. They turn to look for her but...she's gone. SHAUN Hey where'd she go? VANNA (O.S.) Looking for me boys? They turn to see Vanna, all decked out in her monster fighting attire. SHAUN Oh man, It's Vanna Helsing. CARL (smacks Chad over head) You idiot. She used you as bait. Neil is averting his eyes. NEIL She's got a cross on, she's got a cross on. Vanna pulls a stake off her belt and throws at Neil, piercing his heart. Neil falls to the ground. Carl starts up his weed wacker and approaches Vanna. Vanna whips out a machete. They have a brief sword fight which ends badly for Carl as he is run through with the machete. Carl stumbles back and the weed wacker flies up and grinds off the face of Kyle. Shaun kneels down consoles Kyle. KYLE Avenge me. Kyle dies in his arms. Shaun stands with purpose and determination. SHAUN Tear her apart. The other zombies bear down on Vanna. Vanna produces two samurai swords and hacks and slashes through the crowd. A severed hand lands between Chad's legs. VANNA (to Chad) Are you enjoying this as much as I am? She walks through the zombie killing field and approaches Shaun, who is cowering behind the Killing Code book. Vanna slices him across the chest. The blood splattered book falls to the ground. Shaun lies dying on the ground. Vanna places her boot on his chest and raises the sword up for the kill. SHAUN That's so against the code. Vanna thrusts the sword into his neck and twists it with a satisfying crack. Vanna turns to Chad, who it still cowering in the corner. VANNA I had a great time, wanna do this again next week. Chad screams and runs off into the night. INSERT CREDITS TAG A breathless Chad stumbles through the forest. He stops at a tree for a rest. Suddenly Big Foot appears and grabs his neck. Chad screams as he is torn to pieces. FADE OUT.