The Code - watch more funny videos
The Code (2011)
by
Alan Tregoning
&
Jason Walter Vaile
FADE IN:
EXT. LAKE-NIGHT
The moon glistens off the serene water. VANNA and CHAD relax
on a blanket enjoying the view.
VANNA
It's a beautiful evening.
CHAD
Not nearly as beautiful as you,
Vanna.
VANNA
Oh, Chad. You're so funny.
She takes a sip of wine. Chad reaches over and brushes hair
from her face.
He places his hand seductively on her knee.
VANNA
I've never dated a porn star
before.
CHAD
And I've never dated a...what do
you do again?
He starts gently kissing her neck. She closes her eyes and
enjoys the moment.
She opens her eyes and SCREAMS. He spins and sees...
AT THE LAKE EDGE
A HORDE OF ZOMBIES emerging from the lake. They groan and
slowly make their way towards the couple.
AT THE BLANKET
CHAD
Z..Zombies! Lets get outta here.
He grabs her arms and pulls her off the ground.
They run in the opposite direction as the zombies close in.
They look back as the zombies get CLOSER.
They run smack into....A MENACING SERIAL KILLER, complete
with a weed wacker.
Chad screams like a girl, and falls to the ground and pulls
Vanna with him.
LEAD ZOMBIE
(exasperated)
Carl, what the hell?!?
The Serial Killer cocks his head and turns off the wacker.
SERIAL KILLER
(muffled)
Hmmph mmmph mhpmm?
LEAD ZOMBIE
I can't understand--take off the
mask.
The zombie pack mulls behind him. One starts zombie texting.
Another pulls out a brain and chews on it.
The Serial Killer takes off his mask to reveal...a clean cut,
middle aged man.
CARL
Hey, Shaun. What are you doing
here?
SHAUN
What am I doing here? It's our
night! This is our kill.
CARL
No it's not. Thursday is my night.
SHAUN
We switched, remember?
CARL
I thought that was next week.
SHAUN
It's on the Google calendar, check
your Google calendar.
Carl scrolls through his smart phone
CARL
No, I'm still seeing you down for
next week.
SHAUN
Maybe it's not syncing right. Hit
refresh.
Shaun takes the phone and presses a few buttons.
SHAUN
We talked about this last week at
the lodge meeting.
ON THE GROUND
Vanna attempts to crawl off but runs into a VAMPIRE.
NEIL
Forget true blood, I'm a true stud.
Neil strikes a smoldering pose.
Vanna recoils more in disgust than in horror. The vampire
stands up.
NEIL
Hey guys what's going on?
Carl and Shaun roll their eyes. Not him again.
CARL & SHAUN
Hey Neil.
SHAUN
(cough)
Team Douchbag.
NEIL
I heard that.
SHAUN
Hey you were at the meeting last
week.
NEIL
Yeah.
SHAUN
Remember we switched.
NEIL
I thought that was next week.
CARL
That's what I said.
SHAUN
It's on the google calender!!!
Kyle where is the killing code.
One of the zombies hands Shaun a leather bound book. Shaun
flips though it.
ON THE GROUND
Chad attempts to crawl away but runs in to BIG FOOT.
BIG FOOT
Growl!! Roar!!
SHAUN
Oh hell no Big Foot. Not a good
time. Kinda in the middle of
something. Shoo. Shoo.
Big Foot slumps his shoulder and slinks off into the night.
CARL
(calling to Big foot)
I hope Susie's feeling better. Let
her know we're praying for her.
Big Foot gives an acknowledging wave.
SHAUN
See it say's right here in section
four paragraph A five, in the event
of a dispute between parties we
refer back to the original
agreement not withstanding--
CARL
Blah blah, blood lust fading, get
to the point.
NEIL
Why don't you just split them up?
SHAUN
Because it says in section eight on
the Thursday before Friday the
thirteenth in a non Olympic year--
KYLE
Summer or winter?
CARL
Let's just split them up.
SHAUN
Fine! Let's just forget it.
Forget the killing code. Forget
the Google calendar, forget any
kind of civilized approach to
killing people.
CARL
I got dibs on the guy.
Carl reaches down and grabs Chad by the ankle.
CHAD
Why don't you just kill her, man.
I barely know her. Its our first
date. I'll help you bury her.
They turn to look for her but...she's gone.
SHAUN
Hey where'd she go?
VANNA (O.S.)
Looking for me boys?
They turn to see Vanna, all decked out in her monster
fighting attire.
SHAUN
Oh man, It's Vanna Helsing.
CARL
(smacks Chad over head)
You idiot. She used you as bait.
Neil is averting his eyes.
NEIL
She's got a cross on, she's got a
cross on.
Vanna pulls a stake off her belt and throws at Neil, piercing
his heart. Neil falls to the ground.
Carl starts up his weed wacker and approaches Vanna. Vanna
whips out a machete. They have a brief sword fight which
ends badly for Carl as he is run through with the machete.
Carl stumbles back and the weed wacker flies up and grinds
off the face of Kyle.
Shaun kneels down consoles Kyle.
KYLE
Avenge me.
Kyle dies in his arms. Shaun stands with purpose and
determination.
SHAUN
Tear her apart.
The other zombies bear down on Vanna. Vanna produces two
samurai swords and hacks and slashes through the crowd.
A severed hand lands between Chad's legs.
VANNA
(to Chad)
Are you enjoying this as much as I
am?
She walks through the zombie killing field and approaches
Shaun, who is cowering behind the Killing Code book.
Vanna slices him across the chest. The blood splattered book
falls to the ground.
Shaun lies dying on the ground. Vanna places her boot on his
chest and raises the sword up for the kill.
SHAUN
That's so against the code.
Vanna thrusts the sword into his neck and twists it with a
satisfying crack.
Vanna turns to Chad, who it still cowering in the corner.
VANNA
I had a great time, wanna do this
again next week.
Chad screams and runs off into the night.
INSERT CREDITS
TAG
A breathless Chad stumbles through the forest. He stops at a
tree for a rest. Suddenly Big Foot appears and grabs his
neck.
Chad screams as he is torn to pieces.
FADE OUT.
