The Dead House Guest (2010)
This was a Zombie version of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" written for the 24 Hour Film race.
INT. GOTHIC DINING ROOM - EVENING
Fancy china and crystal glasses are carefully set. The meticulous placement of polished silverware.
MARGARET, dignified matriach of the Bluttrinker family, proudly straightens a family portrait set on the mantle.
RICHARD BLUTTRINKER, her husband, thoughtfully compares two bottles of RED WINE. He makes his selection, then...
MARGARET
Not tonight dear.
Richard reluctantly swaps the bottles.
SFX: DOOR BELL
MARGARET
Here we go.
RICHARD
Excellent!
Margaret trots out to answer the door.
Richard looks painfully at the bottle of wine to be drunk.
The joyous sounds of welcome drift in from the next room.
AMANDA BLUTTRINKER, a cute college freshman, skips in and makes a beeline for her father. They embrace.
AMANDA
Daddy!!
RICHARD
Come here you. So where is he?
AMANDA
Daddy, I want you to meet...Morty.
MORTY THE ZOMBIE staggers in. OH....NO....Awkward
RICHARD
But, but he's a--
MARGARET
Guest, Richard. He's our guest.
RICHARD
Excellent.
Richard swaps the wine back to his original selection.
MORTY
Graa blaaa blaaaa
SUBTITLES
You have a very nice house, Mrs. Bluttrinker.
MARGARET
Thank you, Morty. You can call me Margaret.
MORTY
Graa blaa blaaa
SUBTITLES
You too, Mr. Bluttrinker.
RICHARD
Thank you, Morty. You can call me Mr. Bluttrinker.
Margaret gives him a dirty look.
RICHARD
Would you like to see my shotguns?
MARGARET
Who's hungry?
LATER
A silver spoon dips into a bowl of BLOOD RED "TOMATO" SOUP.
The spoon is lifted and Richard takes a loud accusatory slurp as he suspiciously stares down Morty.
In front of Morty the fancy china and silverware have been replaced by a more modest setting and plastic utensils.
His zombie hands stumble and fight to hold the spoon. Uncomfortable stares as the spoon rattles about.
MARGARET
So where did you two meet?
AMANDA
At Morty's work.
EXT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT DRIVE THROUGH - FLASHBACK
Amanda pulls up to the menu. The speaker crackles to life.
MORTY
(over speaker)
Graww wawww blawwww.
AMANDA
No, just a number two, extra rare.
MORTY
(over speaker)
Grabble wabble babble.
Amanda pulls to the window and is greeted by Zombie Mortimer. Their eyes meet. Her heart skips a beat. True love found.
BACK TO SCENE
AMANDA
It was love at first bite.
Amanda chuckles and her lame joke. Morty mumbles a stifled zombie laugh and slaps the table in amusement.
MARGARET
Just like us honey.
Richard grunts his disapproval.
MARGARET
Who's ready for mains?
MOMENTS LATER
A plate of bloody rare steak and sides sits before Morty.
At the other end of the table Richard ravenously cuts in to his steak and takes a bite.
RICHARD
This isn't "brain" food per se...
A trickle of blood drips down his chin which he quickly wipes away with a napkin.
Richard takes a sip from his wine glass.
RICHARD
Now there's a decent red. Tell me Mortimer, what are your plans?
AMANDA
Morty's studying to be a brain surgeon.
Richard spits out his wine.
RICHARD
They'll let him do that?
MARGARET
(careful)
Richard.
AMANDA
He's very smart.
Morty awkwardly picks up the steak and tears at it with his teeth. Fail.
RICHARD
I can see that.
Amanda sneaks out her CELL PHONE and send a text message.
Morty fumbles for his cell phone and checks the message.
ON MORTY'S PHONE
The Message: "Sorry :("
Morty mashes the phone keys.
ON AMANDA'S PHONE
The Message: "dsh;dsowc; uefp;apwofh aosiwourajd"
SUBTITLES: I love you.
Amanda gives Morty a discreet thank you smile.
RICHARD
What was the name of that boy she dated last summer?
AMANDA
Daddy!!
RICHARD
Margaret you remember. His Father's that hematologist.
MARGARET
Richard, you're embarrassing her.
RICHARD
Her! What about me? My own daughter brings this...thing into my house and I'm just supposed to act like this is normal.
AMANDA
But Daddy, I love him.
RICHARD
Is that all there is? Any knocked up zombie babies on the way?
MARGARET
(stern aside)
RICHARD!! The "Z" word.
Amanda grabs Morty's hand and drags him out the door.
MORTY
Gruzzle wuzzle fuzzle
SUBTITLES
Thank you for dinner.
MARGARET
Any time.
The door slams.
INT. BEDROOM - LATER
Richard and Margaret flop back on their pillows.
RICHARD
You know it's for the best.
A frosty silence.
RICHARD
They're monsters.
MARGARET
Are they?
She lets this sink in.
MARGARET
Good night.
Richard ponders her question.
RICHARD
Yeah, they are.
He reaches into his mouth and removes his teeth and plops them into a water glass.
He reaches up and pulls down the lid of his COFFIN BED!!!
His VAMPIRE TEETH settle to the bottom of the glass.
FADE OUT.
